He’s Here

We are a little over 1 month out from the big 3-0 birthday that this blog has been leading up to, and so much has changed over the course of 4 years.

I suspected we might decide to have a child before this birthday, but even a year ago, I had started to doubt it would happen on that timeline. We still didn’t quite feel ready. But the universe had another plan for our family, and we welcomed our beautiful angel, Cameron, on 2/18/17.

I am a little cynical by nature and there’s not a lot I don’t comfortably joke about. Brandon and I kid each other about very dark subjects and have trouble doing sentimental things without a wink and a nod of irony. Throughout my pregnancy, we joked about the little “mofo” inside of me, not because we didn’t love him or care, but because that’s just who we’ve always been as jokesters. We’re that way with our pets, with each other.

Suddenly, we met Cameron and I couldn’t bring myself to joke darkly or to be quite so flippant. All the insistence I’d had that I wouldn’t lose myself, that he’s wouldn’t be all I wanted to talk about or think about, flew out the window. Brandon and I both unabashedly celebrate poops and call him sweet nicknames like “Squeaker,” “Squish,” and “AngelBaby.”

I am still a businesswoman. I look forward to returning to work.

I am still an artist. I write songs; I write books.

I am still Alexis. I am just better now.

And so is the world, because Cameron is a part of it.

I realized he was with me all this time. Spiritually, maybe, forever. Physically, for a long while. He made history as part of the Women’s March in January. He’s been to five states already. He’s been to heavy metal karaoke and Hedwig and the Angry Inch. He loves podcasts, because he’s listened to them for ten months now.

Cameron hasn’t deterred me from realizing my dreams; he’s contributed to them. No one is more surprised than me. He is my sidekick, and I am his. Cameron will see musical theater, travel the world, fight for others, and become this amazing human being that’s so much different and better than both Brandon and me. We can see it already, and we are so blessed to witness it.

This little being I was so sure would disrupt my life has done so. And I am so much better for it. He is a perfect little being who will drive us nuts and we’ll love him unconditionally anyway. Cameron is incredible, beautiful, wonderful, hilarious, sweet, adorable, and heart-meltable.

And with that, I welcome 30. With a slightly unfulfilled bucket list, but close enough.

Because my bucket is currently overflowing, I look about 40 years old,  and my boobs are at my knees and leaking onto the floor.

And I couldn’t be happier about it.