Boring Adult Things

Stock Piling

I know you’ve all been eagerly awaiting the news – nearing the edges of your seats, waiting for me to plunge more deeply into the stock market.

Good news, you can all relax: I have.

I have a diverse portfolio of about 10 stocks and several mutual funds, planning for my retirement like the responsible adult that I am. And although I don’t know if I’ll quite triple my savings by the time I hit 30, it has gone up by about 100% since I started the blog, so that’s nothing to sniff at.

In other news, Brandon noticed our credit card bill the other day and has put us on a strict regimen of eating all our meals at home. And I’m also not allowed to buy any more “luxury” items. Clearly, my fiscal responsibility ends at the 401k.

We’re also creating our first wills this month. Because nothing says “bucket list” like planning for your own demise. And nothing says “romance” like reminding each other you’re both going to die.


So Come Pick Me Up

I’ve landed.

NYC continues to be my mistress. She’s heartless and only out for my money. She’s beautiful and alluring in a way I can’t explain. She is a phantom I think about often when I’m not around her, yet the reality is all too real.

I need to stay with strangers more often.

Convinced I should sacrifice comfort for money, I am staying in BedStuy (which I’m generously calling Williamsburg, when asked) with 1.5 gentlemen (one has never appeared at all) in their 20s (venture on 30s but again, being generous) in a disgusting apartment, on a mattress, on the floor.

The curses of age have apparently caught up with me somehow, as I am not only finding it more difficult to do a real handstand, but I awoke this morning feeling like I had had a heart attack. Turns out I just screwed up my back on this godforsaken mattress. Where the fuck did my youth go?

In any case, I can’t scoff at $50 per night accommodations, so I’ve made it work. And in the meantime, I’ve put my funds where they belong: the theater. 4 shows in 3 days, thankyouverymuch. Plus the obligatory stop in Sheepshead Bay for Bagel Boy; obviously.

I grabbed the last rush ticket to Something Rotten (fortunately, did not live up to the name) and saw Fun Home last night. Tonight, I said adieu to Hedwig, my lover, my soulmate. Taye Diggs forgot lines and caricaturized my lady, but I still felt the loss, the mourning of this beautiful and transcendent show. 

The connection you feel to this oddball, the raw humanity she exudes.

The brilliant comedy and tragedy blended together, like the star-crossed halves she references through Plato.

The sadness that permeates her hard shell; her transference of her own pain  onto the weak. The recovery, the healing in her relationship with Yitzhak.

The sheer beauty of Trask’s lyrics, the poetry he weaves wrapped in the creative and modern melodies.

There is nothing I don’t love about this show. It has nothing to do with transgendered people or GLBT rights. It has to do with the human condition, with the connected arteries of pain and love that make each of us faulted and real. It has to do with the art of being a person, because Hedwig lives in each of us.

And you’re shining like the brightest star

The transmission on the midnight radio.

And you’re spinning like a 45

Ballerina dancing to her rock n roll…

All the misfits, the losers…

The strange rock n rollers, and me…

Lift up your hands…


Sleeping with Strangers

One more update before I close out today…

One might ask, “Gee, Alexis, you seem to have conflicting priorities, don’t you? You’re back and forth to NY like a freak of nature but then you’re complaining about money. How do you reconcile, you damn hypocrite?”

Well, douchebag, nobody’s perfect, but I will say that my upcoming trip has me sleeping with strangers. That’s right, I’m AirBnB-ing it back to my college days and crashing in an extra room in Brooklyn.

NY has never been cheaper or more terrifying than now. But hey, I gotta eat. So here’s hoping this guy isn’t a serial killer and that my mom doesn’t read this blog. Because my money is far better served on Broadway than on a hotel bed, anyway.


What’s Left

Might be time for a little check-in on what’s actually left to do on this damn list. Amiright?

I started this thing about 2.5 years ago (OH GOD I’M OLD) and I’ve steadily made progress toward its finish line. Although knowing myself, I’m sure I’ll have some pre-40 game plan, but part of me hopes I’ll abandon the idea of bucket lists once I feel like I’ve satiated my desire to self-torture amid self-improvement.

For those keeping track, here’s where we stand: 19 down and 11 to go.


30. Climb a mountain.

I may do this with my dad in Colorado, although there is something humbling about the idea that Dad is probably in significantly better shape than me. Oh well, here’s hoping for a brewery tour at the end of all of that.

27. Get spiritual.

I’m not sure you can ever really “cross this off the list” but I do feel like I need to make some progress there. I am officially more comfortable with stating I’m not really a Christian (aside, I guess, from culturally), but whatever I am has yet TBD.


23. Develop some knowledge about cars.

I’m doing great with this one – I started an auto club at work and we meet on Wednesdays. NO SHIT.


20. See a Wonder of the World.

19. Take a cross-country road trip with Brandon.

Hoping to do this soon – maybe when we buy my next car, as my lease ends next month!



15. Invest in 5 diversified stocks.

I need to check, but I may actually have done this already. I know on an individual basis, I only invest in one, but my retirement is in mutual funds. I want to buy a BitCoin and invest in at least 3 other stocks, though, before 30.

14. Build retirement fund.

Making really solid progress here.

13. Own a second home.

I become less confident each day that this will happen before I turn 30.


11. Go on a walk at least once a week with Brandon.

This is so easy and yet so challenging to make happen.


6. Participate in a big cultural event like a music festival or Oktoberfest.

Can’t wait for this one!

2. Perform in a play or musical.

My company has its own band and we perform for an actual crowd this month. The Christmas party will be our next gig. I think I’m gonna count it.


1. Learn to be happy just as I am.

How silly; can anyone ever actually consider this task complete?