Month: April 2015

Sometimes things happen without effort or intention; for better or worse. And sometimes those things are on your bucket list. Go figure.

Today I swam with a sting ray. And I don’t think I ever want to swim with the sharks.

So there you go.

5

Life is crazy, work can be insane, but I’m trying to remind myself to let it go. Everyone I respect has been telling me lately that I can’t control everything; I can’t change the world by myself and if I try, I’m going to drive myself nuts. Maybe I already have.

My mentor, Deborah, kindly reminded me of how far I’ve come already, so to take it easy and slow down. Just be.

My “work big brother” Dave was less polite but equally right when he told me to stop worrying about shit that wasn’t mine to fix anyway.

Tough love is effective.

I’m in San Antonio on a shoot now, trying to bask in the perfect metaphor that’s been presented to me. We are here to shoot the sunset and it Won’t. Stop. Raining.

Something is out there controlling the universe… or they’re not. But regardless, it can’t and won’t be me. So I’m just going to breathe and let it go.

I’m stuck in a rut.

I approach my 28^th birthday, halfway through this life improvement initiative, and I am drowning in bad television, wine, and utter exhaustion.

All my yoga and running fell by the wayside once I ran my first 15k. My achievement quickly became my excuse. As a result, I’m considering signing up for a half marathon to re-motivate myself to get back in the game.

We’re going to Thailand, but incidentally, this puts us behind our savings game. All my financial goals for myself have gone in the way of travel… which, I guess, is what happens when you create a list of conflicting priorities for yourself.

I’m having so much trouble staying positive and inspired. I need a dramatic life change, and although I’m not particularly a pray-er, I’m doing some serious soul-searching to determine what’s really missing. I’m drained emotionally, physically, and spiritually. All the good in my life is something only others are pointing out instead of me seeing it for myself.

Is it that life needs to be about establishing some arduous list of goals to reach for? Or is it that having the list is reminding me how I’m constantly failing at something? To try and achieve a full reformation as a human in 4 years, in retrospect, seems so naïve. But what’s life worth if you can’t even honor a commitment to yourself?