#Basic

I was drifting off to sleep when I realized something key about myself that gave me heart palpitations: I think I might be a #basic person.

For those unfamiliar with the term, these are (typically) women who take humblebrag selfies and drink Pumpkin Spiced Lattes. They are characterized by superficiality wrapped in a mask of humility. These are not likable creatures. They represent something that sucks about Western civilization: we are insanely shallow.

So I started thinking… these elements of “basicness” I know I possess… do I have the necessary counterbalance? Here’s where I’ve landed.

• I spent an hour doing my nails tonight, but will likely bite them all off later this week.
• I am getting laser hair removal on my legs, but mainly because I am too lazy to shave.
• When the time comes, I’ll get Botox, but will probably tell other people because I have no shame and will want them to know how much it hurt, and that I was brave.
• I enjoy a pumpkin spice item but rarely buy one. Hello, one of those lattes is, like, $5.
• I use coconut oil as a lotion, which I tried because it was trendy but continued to do because it’s a freaking awesome facial moisturizer.
• I take selfies with my cats and dogs… okay, there’s no counterbalance here. It just is what it is.
• I own some designer goods but whenever someone comments on them, I announce how I found them on sale or at Goodwill.
• I get a blowout every once in a while for a wedding but most days I’m lucky if I brush my hair.
• I bike to work but I’m so poor at it I ride on the sidewalks for fear I will be killed.
• I work at a hipster haven-style market but have never been to 80% of its stores, or gone there on the weekend.
• I enjoy Adele but recognize most of her songs sound the same, and are about the same topic.
• I’m making homemade dog food, but it’s mostly because I like to cook, and I’m cheap.
• I watch makeup videos on Youtube but most days, I just wear mascara and lip gloss (then sweat it all off anyway).
• I travel a lot but sleep on floors in Brooklyn to afford the privilege.
• I keep a bucket list blog but have done so since before “basic” was even a thing.

So I wonder if every #basic woman feels this way: that although they possess some of those heinous, first-world-style qualities, they have other redeeming elements that somehow exempt them from the stereotype?

I guess for now I’m just going to own my basic-ness and hope that somehow offers me a slight moral high ground over the whole thing.