I’m stuck in a rut.
I approach my 28th birthday, halfway through this life improvement initiative, and I am drowning in bad television, wine, and utter exhaustion.
All my yoga and running fell by the wayside once I ran my first 15k. My achievement quickly became my excuse. As a result, I’m considering signing up for a half marathon to re-motivate myself to get back in the game.
We’re going to Thailand, but incidentally, this puts us behind our savings game. All my financial goals for myself have gone in the way of travel… which, I guess, is what happens when you create a list of conflicting priorities for yourself.
I’m having so much trouble staying positive and inspired. I need a dramatic life change, and although I’m not particularly a pray-er, I’m doing some serious soul-searching to determine what’s really missing. I’m drained emotionally, physically, and spiritually. All the good in my life is something only others are pointing out instead of me seeing it for myself.
Is it that life needs to be about establishing some arduous list of goals to reach for? Or is it that having the list is reminding me how I’m constantly failing at something? To try and achieve a full reformation as a human in 4 years, in retrospect, seems so naïve. But what’s life worth if you can’t even honor a commitment to yourself?
30 Before 30 
In my opinion, lists are a double-edged sword. They put things in prospective and can be a great motivator or they can be daunting, depressive, and demoralizing.
I think “life lists” kind of make yourself your own worst critic. You put this pressure on yourself to achieve these “grownup” things that society tells you that you should achieve or things you feel you should be doing. And some of them may be valid and even more importantly, it gives you the motivation you need to get off the couch and GO. But it’s this arbitrary timeline that we have that makes it all so paralyzing. And even worse, what if you complete the list? Do you start another for age 40? Will you even remember the things you did, the special moments that occurred when you were racing to cross them off? And do the lists ever end? Will we ever be “adult” enough or “life living” enough?
I’m saying “you” in the general sense because I think we all are looking for something to push us forward into living better. And I’m not sure there is ever really a quick and easy answer. It is life after all.
And you’re going to Thailand. That is awesome! You should be saving up for that. Travel is a life experience that a padded savings account could never compare to.
Also also, I will always say yes to more wine. That’s not a fault in my book ever.
❤